A drop of water baptized me today
as I was walking by some campus trees.
What power did they have within their leaves
to Christen me and send me on my way?
I felt it trickle behind my ear--halfway
to soaking in my collared shirt. Oh please
be sign of some great changing cosmic breeze,
reprieve from self-rejecting hate. And may
I find in me again a peaceful mind,
a willing heart, a sensitive spirit.
Give me the power nature has to break
the longing for a life that's past behind.
My hope is simply champing at the bit.
Trees do not have the power to give and take.
This came from an experience I had walking on campus outside of the library in February. I've thought about writing it for a while and this gave me a good opportunity.
I would like some help with line 10. Sometimes I feel like it works, and other times "spirit" seems awkward in the meter. But maybe I want it to be awkard? What do you think?
Hey Isaac! :) I feel like in line 10 "sensitive" is actually the word that makes it a little awkward at least to me. But I have to say this is a really cool sonnet...I like that this is just a little experience that you had that stuck with you!
ReplyDeleteHey Leah! Thanks for the input. I'll think about that before we workshop tomorrow!
Delete