and skate the bad emotions from my heart.
Although I know that if I leave I’ll pay,
I want the joy I find within my art.
They say I’m old, “mature adult”, and stuff,
but when I think about it I’m a kid.
I feel so free, alone, I should be tough.
I cannot be ashamed of what I did.
My love and passion for my hobby now
transforms the rink into my holy sphere.
Don’t scoff like them; my tricks are known to wow,
The time I’ve spent shows every minute I am here.
I’d skate without restraint at every chance,
because I’ve learned this makes my
life a dance.
--I had a really hard time writing this. WOW. I'm excited to work on this in class and learn how to write sonnets better (and faster... this took about 3 hours and I still hate it unfortunately).
Did you know we were supposed to have a pic of the hand written draft on here? I think you might want to go back and read over the directions again. Its a good draft, you might want to try reading over a few lines to improve the flow, but reality is that sonnets require time to "incubate" after being written down in order to improve on them. Its obvious that its about something you enjoy and you express that well, just give it some time and revisit it.
ReplyDeleteI like how each four lines are one complete thought. I think it makes the sonnet cohesive. I agree with Lissa, going back over and revisiting the flow might be a good idea. I like where you're going!
ReplyDelete