the passing athletes to come in and sit
with me)—symbolic, meaning "I can't write"—
is why, each day, alone, I read. Permit
me now to dissipate this myth that they
are fearless, though they play with courage on
the field; or court; or track; for all obey
dear Pride's controlling voice. Not speed nor brawn
can separate them now from others who,
at college, struggle to complete their work.
With knowing eyes, I watch them ponder: "Do,
today, this opportunity, I shirk?"
I bite my tongue; these thoughts don't leave my slate.
The door, still open to invite. I wait.
I bite my tongue; these thoughts don't leave my slate.
The door, still open to invite. I wait.
This is very interesting. I feel like a lot of us can relate to this in one way or another (even if we are the ones that the tutor is waiting on).
ReplyDeleteWhat a great use of enjambment, this reads not in lines but as a whole connected thought. Very good!
ReplyDeleteThe writing in this is incredible! It was such a fun read. I really loved this. The enjambment was awesome, as Gaylie pointed out, and the whole topic makes me laugh a lot.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback. Do you guys think I went overboard on my use of anastrophe?
ReplyDeleteI really liked this! I think the topic you picked made this sonnet particularly engaging. It's funny and quirky, but still well written.
ReplyDeleteWhat about it made it engaging? I didn't really take advantage of metaphors like I probably should have.
ReplyDeleteThis is so interesting! I really love your use of enjambment- it kept my attention focused throughout the entire sonnet. So quirky- I love it!
ReplyDeleteQuirky: that seems to be the word of choice haha. But thanks for commenting.
ReplyDeleteOne final question, did my use of punctuation make sense? At the beginning it's pretty punctuation heavy.
ReplyDeleteI didn't realize sharing this to Google+ would generate so many views! It's fun to see how quickly the internet can spread your ideas.
ReplyDeleteWhy did you choose to capitalize Pride?
ReplyDeleteI was trying to personify the concept, similar to how Shakespeare personifies Love and Time in Sonnet 116.
DeleteI really loved your sonnet! Was this for a class?
ReplyDeleteYeah, it's for Shakespeare 382 at BYU. Gideon Burton is the professor. It's a really interesting class because there is a huge emphasis on social learning. I'm curious, how did you find my post?
DeleteOne final comment-"dissipate" was a great word choice!
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteA friend saw it on Google plus and recommended it to me.
ReplyDeleteAwesome! I'm glad to see the learning approach is working. I'll be sure to let my professor know- he'll be thrilled!
DeleteFeel free to share it with your friends.
ReplyDelete