My friends say that I have an addiction
to a certain dark brown quite fizzy drink.
My love for it has no real foundation,
but it is not as bad as they all think.
I maybe drink too much Dr. Pepper,
and my friends might be right to have concerns,
because without all the added sugar
for which my tongue accidentally yearns,
the world starts to feel rather dull and bland
and suddenly this drink becomes a thing
which was not in my original plan
but now I sadly need to make me sing.
Oh Dr. Pepper, I really love you.
What on earth can you expect me to do?
I had the hardest time not waxing Shakespearean towards the end and using words like thee and thou. So if you notice any awkward old times phrasing in the second half, help a sister out!
Overall great poem you do really well on not making it too old timey, or like your trying to copy things, I would make go over a couple of your rhyme schemes as they break up the flow of the poem in a way that doesn't seem to match the things you are saying. But overall great job!
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't use the word accidentally--I don't think it makes sense. The flow is okay, but could use some revision. I personally don't like drinking soda, but I know a lot of people really do, so I'm sure all those people out there can relate well to your sonnet.
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