A screaming comes across the darkened sky
A streak of light, a flash that blinds the sun;
Alone like a red lantern drifting high
The rocket bright proclaims a lifetime done
Our evacuation proceeds as planned
And yet you know within your weak prole heart:
Vacuum will soon digest the scorched dry land
As we the poor quite safe in cars depart.
It is within the winter decay
I saw you throw darts at bureaucracy
And through dark Christmas nights you are the day
Your life negates the war's hypocrisy.
Now everyone please come enjoy our love's
Campaign when we take down their bombs, like doves.
This is a really interesting sonnet! I actually love the picture you chose to depict your sonnet. One thing I might try to change is line 9, as it is only 9 syllables and does not follow an unstressed/stressed pattern--iambic
ReplyDeleteThis is a really interesting sonnet! I actually love the picture you chose to depict your sonnet. One thing I might try to change is line 9, as it is only 9 syllables and does not follow an unstressed/stressed pattern--iambic
ReplyDeleteI like your reversal of the rhythm patterns strategically throughout, though the double stress of "Alone like" throws me off. Your imagery is incredible, especially because you use concrete details
ReplyDelete