Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Garrett Fisher's Draft Sonnet

Share it Please
Sonnet #2

Inside my mind she sits, her eyes a dark

and deeper blue, like waves that crash upon

the shore at night; and now as I embark

across the beach, I know my love is gone.

Upon her shoulders rests her lustrous curls,

that hair that rolled like dunes of sand, and just

as golden brown. We'd search the beach for pearls,

but now, alone, I face the moon and gusts

of wind. Around me couples walk together, talk

and laugh together, holding hands together.

I envy them and in my mind I mock

them, but the scent of salt brings tears forever.

     It seems that love is like a fickle wave,

     but I should not go down into my grave.

It was difficult for me to do the iambic pentameter at first, but it slowly got easier. I hope that the feminine endings in lines ten and twelve are okay.


  1. I liked your use of imagery and simile. You did a nice job of staying constant with your focus on the beach: sand, waves, pearls, salt, the color blue.

  2. Some of your lines have too many syllables, but the first part of the poem flows very nicely.

  3. Kevin, are you talking about lines ten and twelve? Those were supposed to be feminine endings. Are they too out of place to work?