Here's my draft! It comes from 2 Nephi 31:13 and Joseph B Wirthin's talk "Come What May."
Three simple words can change a life's belief
When once filled up with doubt, doubt no longer
Remains. The words I read upon thin leaf
Erase adolescent fears. Now stronger
Lies my hope in something greater, a sun.
But how? The question burns my heart. He writes,
"I know that if ye follow the son..."
Finally the simple phrase! "I know that!"
Insights fill my soul, leaving confusion
Out. Change your mind, your heart, your life, your soul-
He asks it all. No other conclusion
Reults in total joy or makes you whole.
Three simple words have changed my life today.
The Son's the answer so let come what may.
So I know it needs some work and I have a few questions. First off, (this isn't a question but...) I'm not sure I have the rhythm right. Second, I know that "writes" in the 6th lime isn't following the right rhyme scheme but I couldn't figure out how to phrase it. Any thoughts?
In line 7 you don't have 5 full iambs so your rhythm is a little off there. I like the subject of your poem, something spiritual that connects to scripture and a talk.
ReplyDeleteI think you could easily fix the rhythm in line two, which is now "doubt, doubt no longer" by changing it to "doubt, my doubt does not / Remain."
ReplyDeleteLine 7 doesn't have enough syllables. Line 8 sounds funny (the word finally is stressed weird). Line 9, I feel like the stress is on the first syllable, and therefore doesn't work. Line 14 "let come what may" sounds odd to me, but maybe that's just me.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the idea, though! Cool connection between ancient and modern prophets.