Screaming Rainbow
A screaming comes across the darkened sky
A streak of light, a flash that blinds the sun;
Alone like a red lantern drifting high
The rocket bright proclaims a lifetime done
Our evacuation proceeds as planned
And yet you know within your weak prole heart.
Rocket bombs fall across the scorched dry land
While we the poor of dear London depart.
It is within the winter slaughter
I saw you throw darts at bureaucracy
And through Christmas fires you are water
Your life negates the wartime hypocrisy.
Everyone now celebrate this our love's
Campaign to bring down bombs like doves.
This sonnet is mostly an imitation of the novel "Gravity's Rainbow" by Thomas Pynchon and also to a lesser extent the music of noise artist Prurient. I found the experience of writing the sonnet an interesting challenge which forced me to reconsider my ideas in a way I wouldn't have to if I was writing in free verse or another form.
Your iambic pentameter seems a little off in lines 10-11. It seems like a cool poem and I like that you based it off a book! I might have to go read it.
ReplyDeleteLine 2, "London," the first syllable is stressed, so it's off. Line 3, "Lonely," the first syllable is stressed, so it's off. Line 4, "rocker," the first syllable is stressed, so it's off. Line 5, "evacuation" seems off to me. These are just a few ideas for revisions. I'd check the rest of the poem as well.
ReplyDeleteI can tell you have a great knowledge of music, which is an awesome place to draw inspiration from.